By: Jolie Fatale
1. Why do the degreed, professional, black men who say they are waiting for the right woman waste their time and flock to hoodrats. After attending a cookout held by BP Engineers we at BFF have decided that maybe in order to attract said Single Black Professional Male
- We need a tattoo on our arm (so next function temporary tattoos ..I’m guessing this is for street cred.. Does a gated community count?)
- wear one size too small clothes
- And shoes
- Hair gel and hair grease (no more bouncy shaky curls or silky flat ironed hair)
Oh and we need to not have a degree or appear to be smart so
- We will tone down the intellect (apparently being smart, having accelerating careers and our finances together is NOT attractive and TALKING about said accomplishments EVER is somehow a definite TURN OFF)
Disclaimer: We WILL NOT do any of these things to attract said Educated Black MAN! We will wait for the one who understands we are who we are and appreciated our assets as a value add to them and not feel threatened by said VALUE. (this is to explain to you commenters who always want me to include the exception to the rule. feel better now?)
2. People at local lounges (1223 frequenters) that think just because its open bar you don’t have to tip or even if its not OPEN BAR freaking TIP
- Bar Etiquette 202:
- TIP YOUR TENDER. You will get served faster. Your drinks will magically get stronger and its just the right thing to do!
- Tabs are good
- The bartenders see everything
- If you are seated at the bar, put your glass towards the bartender’s side, away from yourself
- If you must get their attention you simply say “Excuse me, when you have a chance…” – bartenders despise hearing “Pal”, “Buddy”, “Honey” or any lame term like that.
- Don’t snap your fingers, tapping your glass on the bar
- If you know the bartender don’t keep shouting their name while making a drink
- Bartenders are not your servants
- Tip Heavy on your first drink
3. People who talk loud in public places (seriously I don’t want to hear your whole conversation about how you had to go to the doctor because of some rash and now you think you know what it is.. EWWWWWW..spare me
4. People who touch me on the metro
- Please don’t lay your purse on me, your arm, your body (just try to avoid touching me at all)I HATE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION but gas is HIGH and I drive a gas guzzler
5. People who get their burgers WELL DONE!Can you really taste the meat after you have it Chargrilled and burnt me thinks NOT
6. Old ass men in 3 piece suits with wedding rings and drinks in their hands asking me if im married..nah nucca but u are
7. Nosey ass coworkers ( I say I am “sick” why do you need a purpose, process, payoff statement of how, why, when and where I became sick, what the doctor said and when I will be back. BACK OFF.
8. People who assume they are on my level..when clearly they know they ARENTyeah I SAID IT ! COME CORRECT OR DON’T COME AT ALL
9. Cheap People .. People who know you own a business but because you’re FRIENDS with them want some kind of discount this is a business NOT CHARITY
10. IF you know I’m an optimist and you are a pessimist please LAY OFF if I tell you I rely on my FAITH to get me by DON’T TELL me my optimism is SCARY .. your lack of FAITH AND PESSIMISM IS SCARY
11. Men who disrespect WOMEN in particular BLACK WOMEN.. there has been MUCHO disrespect over at singleblackmale.net. They have more drama in the comment section than on your favorite soap. Check them out…
12. BARS and Lounges should have signs that say, “Saturday night is swingers night… you two lovely ladies might not want to enter:”.. BOY OH BOY I wish that place with the Red Door on 14th and U said that before WE WENT IN
So… What do you all have to RANT ABOUT TODAY? Go ahead get it off your chest. I know at least 10 of you have something to say about my rant.. go ahead I can take it..
Jolie Fatale
FeFe Fatale
19 Comments
August 8, 2008 at 9:15 am
Yall need some type of book agent ASAP. The bar ettiquite I could see in a book WITH PICTURES.
LOL the rest is damn hilarioius. I’ll be back to really focus on my favorites.
August 8, 2008 at 10:02 am
I will refuse to be booted out by a rat with an arm tattoo! REFUSE!!
August 8, 2008 at 10:56 am
Your #1 is so true. What do we do about that? It’s sort of confusing. They say they want an independent woman but when they meet one they can’t deal with her because she may or may not make more money than them, might be smarter than them, etc. I refuse to dumb down for any man.
#3 This happens a lot when folks are on their cell phones. I’m like can you save the convo for later.
#5 – I’m guilty of the well done burger–if it’s not well done I won’t eat it. I don’t want to see nothing red on my plate but a tomatoe…lol Well done however doesn’t mean burnt. If they burn it, they don’t know how to cook.
#6 I hate for an old a** man to be skinning and grinning in my face when he knows he’s married. I feel sorry for the wife he has at home. She has to be special to put up with some of these “still think they got game” men.
#11 – I’m also sick of some men quick to call us angry because we refuse to listen to the BS they try to throw at us. I wrote a special blog post addressing this today:
http://sheliagoss.com/2008/08/08/40-to-40-and-angry-black-women-part-i/
August 8, 2008 at 12:47 pm
1. I hate loud ass urban teens on the train. I always sit there and wonder “Was I that loud when I was their age?” Probably. Now I realize how ignorant and annoying that shit is. And white ppl just look like “Here we go…”
2. I hate when big groups of ppl go out to dinner and dont think ahead. Bring cash! As a person who used to work in the industry I KNOW what a pain it can be when you’ve got a table of 10 and they ALL want to hand you a card at the end of the night like “Have fun!” Get it together! Plan ahead. (Out of a group of 10 maybe 4-5 cards are acceptable, but thats IT.)
3. I also hate when ppl talk down to their servers/bartenders. Please and thank you are much obliged. Please dont forget that I AM the one serving YOU your food/drink. I always make sure to be polite at any venue where my food is being served… whether its at Cafe Milano or Checkers. You being an asshole isnt going to get you anywhere. And if your server/bartender is just a total f*ckup STILL be careful of how you word things…unless of course you want some extra ingredients added in
just being honest folks.
4. Friends dont let friends go out looking tacky. We have all been there…one friend has on waaay too much blush (this is not Mardi Gras…please wipe some of that sh*t off) ..another one has on a pair of her favorite heels but she’s had them since JR year (ya’ll graduated 3 yrs ago) and they look WORN the fugg out (scuffed, cracked and leanin)…someone else is in love with having long hair but that weave is lookin like silk and carpet blended together (Please perm your hair before putting a weave in)… another one wants to wear peep toe heels but has a big toe nail that could chop a tree in half..Please help your friends. Luckily Ive got fly ass friends overall, but everyone slips up every once in a while. lol
5. People that dont know how/when to turn off the use of EBONICS. Look, slang is acceptable when around the homies, out in the streets, at the club…but when at work, a museum, a restaurant…amongst the Dwights (yah I said it) please cut back on the slang a little. Shat! That REEEEEALLY bothers me.
I could go on and on…but ive got to get back to work now.
August 8, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I actually prefer my women to be ghetto and a lotta over weight. Not the sexy I’m a luscious lady look, but the sloppy, I don’t know what the gym is look. You know, the “we don’t have to have sex, I can just play in one of your rolls,” type of look? You forgot bad wigs/weaves as well. Nothing like waking up next to you and you looking like a different person. I’d rather have gunshot wounds instead of tattoos. Tattoos fade, but bullet wound scars are forever. Ladies, I don’t know WHERE you all are going to find these educated black brothers, maybe you all are giving off the “don’t approach me good brother vibe.” A LOT of you all have been feeling yourselves lately…well honestly both sexes have been feeling themselves a little too much. Maybe I’ll finally finish up the post I’ve been working on about the disconnect between black males and females. (Someone could’ve invited me to the BP barbeque!….well actually no, I guess I’m not in D.C. right now) But for that, you’ll have to come visit at http://thereal7.blogspot.com
LOL @ 1223, yes, I’ve noticed that the black people there do start acting shady whenever the bar is open. I figured that it was an East Coast thing, although I continue to tip generously. I mean where else can I go for $5 on a Wednesday and get on it?
Over the past year I’ve grown accustom to the D.C. metro system, but leaving some place late night, and getting on a train where someone relieved themselves all over the front of the train is NOT playa. I also saw a fight on the train the first week I was in D.C. last August. That is ALSO not gangsta.
I have to further vent about my puppy. So my mother is having some dinner party on Saturday, and the maids were supposed to come and clean up the house, but my brother and I were sleep and they refused to clean anything, basically they just bounced. (Yeah I said maid, I don’t know where they came from either, but apparently somewhere between me graduating High School in ‘00 and finishing undergrad in ‘05, my parents started balling on the low, but I’m still paying for law school all by myself!!! ANGER!!!!) However, my point being is that now, my mom wants me to help her clean up this afternoon…..I so HAD plans, and this dog of mine has stuff all over the house RIGHT after I cleaned up yesterday. Woah is me!
P.S. HELL YEAH TO BURNT UP BURGERS!!! There are parasites, bacteria, just people being nasty all over those things. I’ll take my chances with making sure my burger has been properly cooked, I’m not a fan of sitting on the “throne” with a bucket in hand.
August 8, 2008 at 1:50 pm
@junior:
you just gave me my afternoon laugh and for that I appreciate you. Yeah that cookout had us all perplexed like ..”dont they see us.” I mean we arent all flirty, flirty but I dont think we were giving the “nagga dont even come step to me look”
Additionally,
My mom had a maid on the regular once I moved out. you know why because the maid (ME) moved all the way 3,000 miles from home to DC to persue higher education and so Maria had to come clean for her instead (her name was maria ..i am not a racist ..TODAY)
your puppy is hella cute… but he is going to be huge. are you bringing him back to DC with you?
August 8, 2008 at 2:00 pm
I hate when they call all the rows to board the plane only to have me stand in the hot ass anti air conditioned jet way.
- I hate when people wear 50 zillion accessories and have to go thru security and realize they forgot to take off their big ass satellite of a belt buckle.
- I hate when white chix never do a gosh dorn thing to there hair ever.
- I hate seeing obese kids at mcdonalds as their parents order them a milkshake and large fries.
August 8, 2008 at 2:12 pm
No, I wish I could, but he’s too big, now, and like you said only getting bigger, plus I live with two females, and I don’t know how they would feel about that.
Which gives me one last rant for the day. One of my roommates is MESSY AS HELL. Our living room always looks like a Katrina refugee camp. I thought women were supposed to be sugar, spice, and everything nice. The lord clearly passed her up in that department…missed her completely in fact. We went to a 1223 happy hour in fact the week before last, before I took a little vacay. Well she sort of invited herself and realized at the last minute that it was a professional happy hour. Why she come out looking like an old white woman?! She said she was going do her hair, but for whatever reason, she was still looking like sideshow Bob as we left, coupled by the fact that she has like a Double F bra size… you know its a problem when random people stop you on the metro and say, “you know you should try Jill Scott’s new line of bras.” I still love her to death though. The end.
August 8, 2008 at 2:33 pm
yeah messy females is never a good look. I would think living with women you would have the cleanest place ever.
The bra size thing hilarious. FeFe had a coworker with not quiet size F’s a nice D like me .. and apparently they were sagging…So FeFe purposely showed chick a pic of me so that she would see that boobies are supposed to sit up .. not lay down (like your cute lil doggy). And then FeFe being FeFe called me to ask me with the coworker sitting there what kind of bras I wear.. SMH.. shamelss
so saggy titties ..especially in the club is a digusting no no… dressing like your 40 for a black professional happy hour is a no no too..
And how did you end up with two female roommates?
August 8, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Arm tattoos scream “NO GOALS” because when you get one, you obviously aren’t envisioning yourself in a wedding dress, formal gown, sleeveless polo (for golfing, of course), or any other article of clothing that might be associated with success. It’s the female equivalent of the male neck tattoo…And let’s just face it, if you’re a female with a tattoo on your neck…kill yourself…
I also hate when people stand too close to me on the metro. I understand that it’s public transportation, but if the train (and I stress train cuz Esh can’t do the bus) is not that crowded, I still expect to maintain some semblance of a personal bubble. I’ve actually had to say hit some guy with an “Ummm…sir?” because he was all in MY space with plenty of room on the train.
Also, if I’m on the train reading, WHY (oh, why) are you trying to carry on a convo? If I wanted to remain available for conversation, I would sit idly by with my hands in my lap with that “Gosh, I wish someone would talk to me” face. Alas, my posture screams anything but, and hopefully my loud sigh will get the point across…
August 9, 2008 at 11:48 am
I responded to that in your gmail inbox. I don’t want to dominate your blog with my life stories, although they are quite interesting
.
August 10, 2008 at 11:55 pm
I swear I started a revolution with this Friday rants thing. LOL. I think I’m gonna start ranting about that on everyone else’s site and do the link in the comment thing too.
VSB actually talked about your #1. Indications of degrees and education have little to do with attractiveness. I used to agree with you and really want these extremely professional looking women. While I do still want a extremely professional looking woman, the hoodrats are just so impressed by the fact that I have business cards. And then I can take them to chain restaurants too. LOL.
You probably don’t look unapproachable … they just look super approachable.
Check out the originator of the Friday Rants at singleblackmale.net (*plug*)
August 11, 2008 at 3:34 pm
SBM we tried to put this out on Thursday but forgot… but def props to you for being the originator.
August 11, 2008 at 3:38 pm
There are over 7 million Friday Rant posts online .. but we’ll say here at BFF your the originator… ( High Five SBM)
August 11, 2008 at 4:23 pm
i just thought about something about #1.
Having a degree and education is not synonymous with geting a man. When we are young we dont say “I want to be an astronaut so I can one day get a husband.” We want to advance ourselves educationally for the sake of being successful in the professional world. this has nothing to do with being able to attact/keep a man.
if anything, it makes us less able to do so because when in the presence of such company that we deem to be “beneath” us we stick our noses in the air and act like other black men need to praise us or give preferential treatment to us because of our salary, degrees, and philosophical dedcuctions on the state of black america.
so yeah sometimes we bring it on ourselves. sorry to get all deep. i am usually the anti-deep when it comes to rants. i just had to share my latest self revelation.
August 11, 2008 at 5:01 pm
FeFe..Whatcha been smoking hun?
August 11, 2008 at 6:27 pm
the truth. lol. personal success has nothing to do with getting a man. tis all. very logical and practical reasoning.
August 15, 2008 at 5:01 am
[...] is the sincerest form of flattery, I love them for it. I’ve spotted Seven Strangers and Black Femme Fatale ranting too. Lets start a [...]
November 3, 2008 at 3:31 am
:::Sigh::: in regard to the #1 reason for the rant. The educated Black Male (EBM) sometimes just wants to talk about…nothing. Like, “yo, did you see kimbo get sliced by that white boy” or “you think Lola luv’s @ss is real…”, and these are the females he discusses such things with. Educated Black Women (EBW), we get tire of a lot of the self promotion some of y’all do at social functions like it’s a job interview; truth is, we really just wanna know if we can get that number/ if there is a chance we can get it poppin’ within the next 48 hrs or so…lol. I mean, good conversation about diversifying your portfolio from stocks to commodities, thoughts about that wharton mba program, etc. is cool, but DAMN. EBM sometimes just want to chill. naked. inside of BW (I left off the E) LOL!
2. I thought it was understood that people should tip well. Last time I was in 1223 (yrs ago) it was great synergy poppin’ off. I had the bottle service courtesy of my arabian friends for the night…they were ballin’ so tuff, good times. I often find that the lack of etiquette of Blk people has to do with the level of service they expect. Despite the money, many people just don’t have class–and their etiquette usually it the tell tale sign of such.
skipping all the way to 9…
Yeah. I don’t understand why friends and family feel like your work should not be compensated. If anything, I always OVER compensate my friends and family in whatever task I ask of them (tax prep to haircuts). If you don’t take care of your own, who will…
that is all…carry on ladies